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A Millionare Matchmakers Top Three Relationship Mistakes—And How To Avoid Them!

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A Millionare Matchmakers Top Three Relationship Mistakes—And How To Avoid Them!

Believe it or not, even the experts get it wrong now and again. I'm certainly no exception. Indeed, most people never succeed without a healthy dose of failure along the way. So if there's something I've done, and learned, that can help you from repeating my mistakes then I'm happy to share it. Let's start with the obvious, and still easily and often repeated mistake: attraction vs. a real emotional connection. 

 

Now when we meet someone and experience that "wow" factor, behind the scenes is a complex series of mechanics that involve biochemistry, pheromones, and our mental and emotional needs. Usually, when the bloom is on the rose, so to speak, we're so caught up in the first two processes--the chemical high of attraction--that we forgo the important details regarding this person's behaviour, socialization or emotional IQ. Then, of course, the bloom eventually falls off the rose and here is where most relationships fall apart. Now they fall apart for two reasons: the shattering of expectations (which we'll get into with point 2), and because the biochemistry of long term attraction is more of a drip--constant, dependable--than the rush of new love. Many times, especially when I was young, I conflated romance with lust, intimacy with sexual attention, when these are all very different components of social interaction between romantic partners. Learning to distinguish which is which will save you untold heartache in the long run. 

 

Let's move on to my second point, which I hinted at above, and which revolves around setting realistic expectations and goalposts for you and your new relationship. Meeting the man or woman of your dreams and casually wondering if you'll marry them one day is very different from telling them that you're going to marry them. It's fine to fantasize about where things could be, but if you look to the horizon too much you'll never see, or appreciate, where you are today. New relationships are very much about living in the moment, living day to day, and giving this precious organism time to grow and evolve! You wouldn't drown a plant with water, and you shouldn't drown your relationships with unrealistic emotional demands either. 

 

Finally, one big mistake that I've been guilty of with my relationships is somewhat the opposite of the above--high expectations and emotional neediness. There are times when I give up too soon or too quickly. And, to go back to the flower analogy, a relationship needs time and patience to grow, and each happens at its own pace (though that pace should be one upon which you both agree). We don't have infinite moments in this life, though we do have enough time, usually, for patience. Few things in life that are rushed turn out without mistakes or flaws and your relationships are no different. 

 

I realize that I've presented what may seem some conflicting information, though as a general rule of thumb, life is all about managing conflicts and finding a good balance with your needs vs. the needs of others. All advice, given or heard, should be adapted to one's outlook and behaviour. There is no one-size-fits-all psychology, nor should there be. 

 

My job as a life coach is to present you with a variety of worldly truths and to help you find which path suits you best. Good luck on that journey. 

 

--Aviva xoxo